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- Danielson's Veterinary Hospital
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As welfare institutions are cut down and public services get deregulated, private health care has become something that many people must resort to. This is why, inter alia, Danielson's Veterinary Hospital regrettably has popped up and become a less pricey alternative, and on top of that next door to us. They have embarked upon another area, about which they haven't even the slightest knowledge, either. Not only have countless pets experienced some inferno within Danielson's walls before passing on. Now humans too are offered the same medieval 'care' at the clinic. Sick people come to Danielson's to get (what they think is) the best nursing available. But when realising what kind of treatment they really get it's too late, unfortunately. |
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It appears as if people with injunctions against carrying on business
and others, who for various reasons have been fired from similar
institutions (though Danielson's really isn't similar to
anything), immediately become employed at DVH after a summary interview,
where the single question made is 'what would you like to work
as?'. Oh, as a cardiologist! Jolly good! Unscrupulous scientists, sadists and various washouts therefore are on the payroll. Already the very first patient's complaints were so loud and intense that they didn't dare to discharge her, which turned out to be the only useful policy in order to keep up the business. |
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We
got this information from a man who one day coiled into our editorial
office through the ventilator shaft. Before we realised that he
was a person and no vermin, we had already sprayed him all over
with insecticide. - I crawled out through the ventila…arrgh…he rattled and died in our arms. On his clean-shaven and scarred head we found a stamp mark: "Property of Intensive Care". We sent Rolf, who only was lounging on the office floor anyway (well, now he has found eternal rest), to the hospital to find out what the man's last words were actually referring to. When Rolf came back, reporting that journalists were denied entrance there, we broke his arm and sent him back once again. |
| At first he managed to smuggle out a few furtively taken pictures and some secret staff interviews, but then his reports suddenly ceased to drop in. We still don't know what might have happened to him, but the pieces started to fit together when we saw the last picture he slipped out… |
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Rolf's unfinished staff interviews:
An interview with kitchen assistant Gretchen Pickle:- We use
to call the kitchen 'the lab'. 'Cause we don't use
neither cookery books nor recipes here, but every day we are experimenting
to invent new exciting dishes. You see, as we have no budget at
all, we have to serve whatever we can find. Actually, it's real
fun to see what happens when you mix different things. Mostly it
gets no good, but we have a jolly good time, and that's what
matters, right? You need a good laugh sometimes. The work-mates
are nice and there's really a very good spirit here. What I
don't like, though, are all those stray dogs that run around
here in the kitchen. I want them quiet and still in the cauldron. |
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Heinz Ketchüpp, the 'Cardiologist',
says:
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- Is it true that you immigrants must do all the dirty work? - HAI!, says back specialist Lum Bah Gho, ex sumo wrestler. - How come that you became a back specialist? - Formerly I wrenched backs out of joint. I still do that, but vice versa, giggles the merry and jovial Lum while sipping greedily at a bowl of rice oil and scrutinising my crooked back hopefully. Then I attended Bangin Ze Back's Institute in Sukiyaki for 26 years. When a fellow student informed me that the backs in Europe were bad, I packed my bag instantly. After working some time at Sonya's Massage Parlour, where our opinions about erotic massage clashed, I ended up here. I'm proud, I was taken up in Guinness Book of Records for a job I performed recently. |
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